*Robert Frost said, “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…”
but for me ten paths converged in my heart and though they may be less-traveled, I am taking them all.
Thank you, Divine Providence.
A Divine Conspiracy
i have been shifting
so quickly
and asked for it.
every mode of change
every language, every axis, every gateway opened up at once with one aim: me
like sacred geometry
mapping my heart for the stars’ plans.
it began within
some suns past -
a deep desire to capture the
layered love I have for
mountains, temple-trees and wood thrush in the violet twilight pause.
back then i wanted to
consume them all, keep and
hold them like fresh picked blackberry bowls
within reach
wherever I could go.
a confused desire
over beauty and
my inability to
contain it.
i, like many,
left that lesson
behind but not forgotten.
with more years i know this:
that non-human companions
ponds, trails, dunes and dolphins can be homing
yet
we can say goodbye
without anger or fear.
they will be there next time
or not
we know they are not ours to keep
and i could share those passionate loves
without jealousy
or possession.
the desire to merge and, at worst sometimes, consume, then transformed .
you've probably known this lesson yourself.
it's not uncommon.
yet here again, then, is the path of deeper transformation:
that people are like their kindred mountains
like royal sunsets and snaking rivers and
gifts of black-eyed Susans
and i am loathe to be possessed or controlled myself
i will flow.
so I can't hold love tightly.
how could I
this invitation feels pure
and lightly
yes
i have found
love breathes
and grows
even in change.
why this lesson now, then
converging overhead
a murmuration of starling truths
are we so colonized now
we in human form
that we cannot see beyond this tense container moving in lockstep with industry?
here i'll say it again.
in this season I have grown so large inside. so quickly.
i was ready to store an entire mountain range within my chest those years ago.
how silly.
how much sillier still to think that any
beloved human, then,
should be mine alone
not that I ever did
but take it further
the healing
it has come all at once
from ten directions
on the wings of sure angels
who say that love of any length is no less
when alas
you must loosen your grip.
no less than when the moon
wants to shine for more than just mine eyes
no less in disappointment.
i can't miss this.
i hear you everywhere:
“you have so much room! you are ancient! your roots go under the Earth and attach to whatever they need. there is more than enough to go around.”
Love is bigger than control
Love is ancient as the shape of ammonite
towering like clouds in a sunset
attached to self and Divine
unattached and neutral yet ironically more powerful in neutrality
passionate and erotic like wallowing in tilled earth
like the apricot sun
that will come again tomorrow, bright with magenta embrace
and you won't worry whether you will ever see it again.
i have a vision of love.
it has space to be strange
and free.
Notes:
These are the paths that converged:
Lessons from prayers and tarot.
Grief teaching me about love as absence.
Being retyped as an Enneagram 9. I desire connection. I can trust my embodied sense of self and my best self is unlocked through self-care.
Nonviolent Communication. I have feelings and needs, but they don't include control. The more space I make for myself, the more I make for others to do the same.
The work of Mary’s Gospel. My ego can be transmuted. I can trust my inner knowing.
The teacher of Mercury - free agent and trustworthy inner and outer guide channeling through the dream mami.
All the meditations on my Chani app lining up with planets in the self-same lessons.
“A Vision of Love” transmission from Jonathan Koe.
More.
Amazing