Strange, Warm Visitor

11/22/22

Lately I started noticing that I couldn't get my needs met anywhere. I was constantly feeling dissatisfied and empty.

This then viciously made me feel even more dissatisfied as I looked around for anyone who could alleviate my struggle; Couldn't anyone show up to soothe, say the right words, attend, heal and even be the presence of God ? Everybody and everything was coming up short.

I knew that I was getting more and more agitated in general.

It's exceptionally odd because this is coming on the heels of great personal success for me. So why wouldn't I feel great?

Personal success is no substitution for satisfaction and self-care.

It's not up to everyone else to meet my needs.

It's up to me to rise early, put my feet in the grass, breathe deep, feel my body and give thanks. Reflect. Be in the temple of my own co-creation with Spirit.

This is literally the only thing that fertilizes the ground for joy, feeling fulfilled and having patience with others.

Satisfaction is a fruit of spiritual gardening. It is not assumed. It is not a given.

Last night, as I drove to a friend's house, probably subliminally hoping that once again someone else would meet all of my needs, I pulled up to a stoplight in the rain. Lately, all of the lights have been too bright. Nothing feels right. Driving at night is overwhelming. Everything's either too dim or too bright. Sounds are too loud. People are too much. And too little.

Filling the speakers was Peter Gabriel's beautiful instrumental music from The Last Temptation of Christ. Suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere, I was flooded with peace in all my senses. The lights weren't too bright. They were like heaven. Nothing was too dim. Nothing was too much. I was filled with the warmth that we all long for and I don't know where it came from. It took my breath away. I got choked up and cried a little.

I can't say that I did anything to co-create that moment except long for it. Sometimes we are just healed for a moment, if only to remember there is more.

What does this have to do with me taking responsibility for meeting my own needs?

Almost nothing.

While this is my own work to do, and my daily well-being will depend upon my routine, I am also reminded that sometimes when we just can't figure it out on our own. Beauty stops us in our tracks and reminds us it has a life of its own and it cares about us and wants to live with us.

If you're grumpy and agitated like I have been, start creating space for a visitor. At worst, you will feel the beauty of the present moment as you prepare for each day, focusing on what you truly love, still, and what you know that you still cherish. At best, a Divine guest will come and join you as well.

Because it isn't everyday that space finds you and creates heaven around you. But I am reminded that anything we can do to experience it is worth our time.

Love to you.